Change of direction:  It’s starting to feel like it’s time.  The subject has been coming up more often.  People I wouldn’t expect to talk about it have been talking.  Strangers who’ve been through it have offered us support.  It’s still going to be hard, we still need to save a considerable amount of money.  There’s also the issue of maternity insurance for when we’re all through with the procedure…it’s quite expensive, and doesn’t cover for a full 12 months after it begins.  Still, with all these hurdles, our goal is one year.  Twelve months.  We’re going to do everything we can to see this through and get it done.  Suggestions, support, advice, ideas…they’re more than welcome here.  We won’t be able to do this on our own, that is for sure.

I know that once this is all over, I’ll look back and say “that was the easy part”.

Only this…last night we were having dinner with some friends and somehow the conversation turned to having kids.  Of course anytime that comes up, I always end up rehashing the story because someone hasn’t heard it before.  That’s not so bad – I’ve conditioned myself to talk about it ad nauseum without so much as flinching.  The sucky part is that when I woke up this morning, I’d had the most vivid pregnancy dream ever.  There was a point in the dream that I actually remember looking down at my pregnant belly and seeing the outline of a tiny foot pressing against me.  I even had the baby in the dream (but for some reason I couldn’t tell what sex it was).  It really sucks to wake up from a dream like that, only to realize that it wasn’t real.  I tried to push it out of my mind.  I didn’t even say anything about it to Jay – of course it made it easy not to because we forgot to turn on the alarm and ended up waking up at 9:00, so rushing was in order.

Anyway, I’ll keep chugging away even if it takes way longer than I want it to.  I’ll update as things happen, of course.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas & you get everything you ever wanted!

God Bless,

~Brooke~

After the conference (it was over at 12:30) we had lunch at Longhorn in Jax, then just wandered around the city. Jacksonville Beach was packed. They were having an air and sea show, so the people were out in masses to see the planes flying overhead and the boats in the water. We were planning on eating somewhere by the beach but we couldn’t find a single place to park, so we headed back towards Jax and ended up at the Longhorn. After lunch we went downtown and just took in the sights. We paid $.50 to ride the Jacksonville Sky Way train. That didn’t last long. Check this thing out.

I was totally freaked out being so far up & the turns really felt unstable. I kept getting that “roller-coaster-about-to-drop” feeling in my stomach. Of course, that’s sort of the feeling I have some days about my circumstances in general, but those days end (thank God!). When we finally got off, my legs were so shaky I could hardly make it down the stairs to the car! I was glad that was over. Lastly, we ventured over to The.Jacksonville.Landing. There was a band playing, so we got a fresh fruit smoothie and listened to the music for a while. Then we were homeward bound.

It was a good day all around, but we’re back to the planning board. Next step…job with benefits – most likely Jay will find one instead of me. Y’all pray.

~Brooke~

1) Continue saving/raising money (we have almost $3000 in the bank) and just wait until we have enough money to continue. It would be nice to have the entire amount (about $14,000 now) when we start so we would have one less concern while we were going through the process.

2) Nurse E told us some companies that she knew had insurance benefits that covered IVF treatments, one being Ban.k of Americ.a. I could apply for a teller job, work it for the 3-6 month period before I have coverage and then go forward with the process.  I have already sent in my resume to two branches here in town that had part time openings.  If they call me for an interview, I will definitely be interviewing them as much as they are interviewing me.  I guess it’s a good time for change anyway!

3)  This option would be the most appealing to me, but it involves a bit of chance (favor!?).  There is an infertility awareness conference in Jacksonville on November 3rd.  To “give back” to the community, the clinics represented there are giving away 3 free IVF cycles to registered attendees.  I registered the minute I saw that!  I wonder if it’s ok to pray that I win one of them?  I guess it can’t hurt!  If that’s in the plans for me, then let it be!  Obviously, this would be awesome.  I could immediately go forward if this happened, and not only would the first cycle be free (except for the tests above), but if, God forbid, it didn’t work the first time, or I wanted to have another kid later, then the following cycles would be about 1/2 – 1/3 the cost of the first IVF because I would already have frozen embryos ready to transfer.

So, that’s the latest news.  I’d welcome any input or advice you may have to give!  I’ll be sure to keep you updated.

This is a picture of the cost sheet I got from the clinic. Add to that the testing that we’ll be having Wednesday – I’ve been told around $800-$1000. Most of the terms up there are Greek to me at this point, but I’m sure I’ll be quite familiar with them in the very near future. I just wanted to put this up for everyone to see. Sometimes I say how much it costs, and I can hardly believe it myself. I know some may be thinking that there’s no way that this could be so expensive (I know, I think that too sometimes), but here it is in black and white. Very real, very expensive. However, I know that when we have our baby(ies!) it will be worth every single penny.

I’d just ask that if you’re the praying type, please pray specifically that every area above that I need to spend money on will be covered somehow. Some of it already is thanks to our gracious family and friends who’ve invested in our future. I can’t say thanks enough. Also, if you have any creative ideas that we could use to raise funds, please share! Otherwise, we’ll be selling anything that’s not nailed down on eBay ! Anything it takes.

We’ll be traveling to Jacksonville for appointment number two next Wednesday (24th).  This appointment will be a doozie.  They told me on the phone to plan to be there for at least two hours.

This appointment will be filled with blood tests, sonograms, a certain “analysis”, and a consult with the IVF nurse coordinator.  Jay’s shaking in his boots about having to have blood drawn – I think I’m used to that part by now!

I haven’t updated about the insurance stuff lately, so here it is.  There are plans out there that will cover certain IVF medications and testing – just not for me.  Apparently I have what they call a pre-existing condition and the coverage I need and want is totally unavailable unless I want to wait another year.  I honestly can’t fathom sitting on my hands for another year while time ticks away.  So we will be paying for this out of pocket.  Thankfully, we’ve had wonderful people like you who’ve donated towards this cause – again we say thank you.  So this appointment is paid for, and we’ll just see where we go from there.

Keep praying…

~Brooke~

We really just want to thank everybody that participated and made it a night that we won’t soon forget.  The bands:  Alex Watson, Mckendree Tucker, The Inside Out Band, Family Life Worship Team, and Fred McKinnon & Friends .  You all were amazing.  We enjoyed every second of the music, your talents are vast.  Also, without TJ & Kim Thompson, this event would have never happened.  Thanks for being great friends.

We’re so thankful for everyone that came out and supported us.  It was a great night.

Even though the night was about raising money, it meant so much more than the money to us.  That being said, we know you all want the bottom line…well, we don’t have the completed count yet,  but we came home with $1,469.  There is still pre-show ticket money out there, and as soon as we get the total, I’ll update this post.

We are a little closer to our dream.   Our next step is our “testing” appointment.  We’ll be calling and making that on Monday.  Hopefully, very soon, all of you who promised babysitting services will be able to make good on that promise!

We love you all,
~Jay & Brooke~

It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It’s less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you’re here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

And more like
Character

 Less Like Scars by Sara Groves