The Baby Journals

…not much has changed.  We’re not necessarily doing nothing, but we’ve not done much.  We’re seriously considering adoption at this point.  Not that we never want to have kids of our own, but we also know that there are tons of kids in the world that need loving parents.  It feels right to choose a child that needs us as much as we need them.  So, I’ll keep writing here as we continue in our quest for parenthood.  Might not be every day, but I’ll try to do better than every 5 months!

At lunch yesterday there was this way pregnant gal with her mom.  The guy in line in front of them starts making baby small talk and he offers up the fact that a friend of his just had her 5th child…after 4 girls, they finally had a boy.  Enter new participant in the conversation (we’ll call her Big Mouth).  She says, “I hope they know now what causes that and stop!”.  Yes, I’m completely serious – she said this without so much as as pause to think before this ignoramus statement escaped.

Later, while sitting down to eat, I couldn’t help but think about this idiotic statement, it reminded me of another situation I had encountered of the same sort a couple of months ago.  This one was much worse.

We were in Subway and there was a family in there with 5 children that all looked very close in age (about 7-9 yrs old).  We chatted with them and it turned out that she had infertility issues at one point and started IVF treatments.  The first time it didn’t work, and the second time they had one healthy boy.  After a little while they decided to try for one more baby to complete their family.  It worked – they had triplets!  About 8 or 9 months after the triplets were born she turned up pregnant naturally.  I tell you their whole story to really let it sink in how thoroughly ridiculous the statement sounded coming from the grandpa looking guy who walked in.  Brace yourself.  He says, “They all yours?” and after a smiling “yes” from the mother, he proceeds to say “I’m really sorry to hear that.”  WHAT?!?  I can’t imagine how she felt – I myself felt like crap on the side of the road for her.  Had he known how much she wanted those 5 kids, and how hard she tried to have them, and how much blood, sweat, and tears (and money) she had put in to get them, do you think he would have said that?!  The kids couldn’t have felt great about the comment either.  They were all old enough to comprehend that the guy felt sorry for their mother for having them.  I think if I had been her I would’ve had to say something along the lines of “I’m not sorry, these are the best things that ever happened to me” just to save the kids the embarrassment and shame that they could have felt after a comment like that one.

Ok, let me backup.  I know that probably sometime in my life I have said something closer to what Big Mouth lady said, and now I am totally sorry if I ever did.  When it’s not so easy to have kids, you get really sensitive to statements people make about children, and how people treat their kids in general.  Even if your man can look at you the right way, and you get pregnant you still love ALL your kids!  Sure, sometimes, they are a complete handful and  you need a break, you still don’t want to hear someone say they are sorry you have to deal with your kids.  Honestly, it hurts to hear. I have a co-worker that has 10 wonderful, well behaved children ranging in age from 17 to infant.  I can’t imagine the comments they must get about their family.  I would never want to say something to make him feel like he and his wife “must be crazy” or “don’t know where they come from”.  Doesn’t that sound silly!  His family is his business – he’s allowed to have as many kids as he wants without being made to feel like a fool.

I’m a big girl, and I can handle most stupid comments from random strangers, but really, think about what comes out of your mouth.  Especially in public places.  You never know who may be standing within earshot of your comments.  You don’t know what people around you have been through, and degrading, judgmental, even in jest comments can be truly hurtful.  Speak positively!

~Brooke~